Giving Customers What They Really Want: The Black Bra Problem, and What We Can Learn From It
Giving Customers What They Really Want: The Black Bra Problem, and What We Can Learn From It
In my last blog, The Rise of the New Retailer, I talked about how people are no longer using high street shops for their purely transactional purchases. They want something more, service, expertise, connection, and an experience that leaves them feeling something. That shift presents an enormous opportunity for independent retailers who are willing to lean into what makes them different. And nowhere is that opportunity clearer than in understanding the gap between what customers ask for… and what they actually want.
Henry Ford once said that if he’d asked people what they wanted before cars existed, “they would have said faster horses.” It’s a quote that has become cliché for a reason: customers often describe the solution they think they need, not the outcome they are actually trying to achieve.
This idea cropped up again recently while I was watching a video from James Smith, who referenced a framework from Ed Lawrence about the three levels of customer desire:
- What people ask for
- What people think they want
- What they actually need in order to get the result they’re looking for
It’s one of those concepts that sounds simple on paper but, when you look closely, it can completely reshape the way you think about sales, service, and customer retention.
And nowhere is that more obvious than on the shop floor at Mish.
The Customer Who Wants a Black Bra (But Doesn’t)
One of the most common requests we hear at Mish is:
“I’m looking for a black bra.”
Straightforward enough.
And yes, if we took that at face value, we could find them a beautifully fitting black bra. They would leave with exactly what they asked for, job complete.
Except… they wouldn’t leave delighted.
They would leave fine. Content. Satisfied… enough.
But they wouldn’t skip out of the fitting room buzzing. They wouldn’t tell a friend. They wouldn’t remember the experience.
And chances are, they wouldn’t become a loyal customer.
The truth is, the black bra is almost never what they actually want.
When we gently explore it in the fitting room:
“Does it need to be black because it’s going to show? Or do you just need something to wear under darker clothes?”
99 times out of 100, the answer is the latter. At that moment, the whole world opens up when we suggest they could actually wear any colour or pattern they could wish for. Maybe neon pink, highlighter orange, deep florals or rich jewel tones. Literally whatever makes them feel good. That’s when their face lights up, when they leave delighted, when they come back and when they tell all their friends about their experience and how much they need to visit Mish for themselves.
Because what they actually wanted wasn’t “a black bra.”
What they actually wanted was:
👉 something that wouldn’t show under dark clothes
👉 that fit exceptionally
👉 and made them feel like themselves.
The black bra was just their version of “a faster horse.”
The Retail Lesson Most Businesses Miss
This isn’t really a story about lingerie; it’s a story about retail psychology. Most businesses, without meaning to, stop at
What the customer asked for.
But there is so much opportunity to gain and retain fiercely loyal customers if you give the customer
What they actually need to feel great, content, and have a memorable experience
Mish doesn’t sell black bras.
Mish sells:
- Joy
- Confidence
- Expertise
- The feeling of being understood
- The excitement of discovering something better than the customer knew to ask for
And every retailer, in every sector, has their own version of the black bra.
Where Is Your Black Bra Moment?
Here’s the challenge I want to leave you with:
Where in your business are you giving customers exactly what they asked for, but not what they actually want, or need?
Maybe it’s the customer asking for, a specific product they saw online, a cheaper alternative, the “quick fix”, the thing they bought last time, or the safe, familiar option.
Maybe the real opportunity lies in gently digging deeper:
“What’s the job this product needs to do?”
“What’s frustrating you about what you’re currently using?”
“What would a perfect result look like?”
Because when you shift from fulfilling requests to fulfilling outcomes, everything changes. Sales grow, customer retention increases, customer satisfaction deepens, and your business becomes meaningfully different to its competitors. Not because you’re selling harder.
But because you understand better. Your customers feel seen, understood and that somehow, you know them better than they know themselves.
James Smith, Henry Ford, and Ed Lawrence may come from entirely different worlds, but they’re all pointing to the same principle:
Customers rarely know how to ask for the thing that will make them happiest.
It’s our job to help them get there.
Written by Michèle Poynter, founder of Mish, the Lingerie & Swimwear specialist and The Retail Fixers. Michèle helps independent retailers grow through authentic customer experience and community-led retail strategy